hmm..she isn't here

no more sarsi girl today :( lol! but anyway, things have been better for me. i really don't know why i'm having this kind of feelings but i think i should do more to improve my mood everyday. trying to hard to push myself eh? well, it's friday so i couldn't care much bout anything. weekends are here, one more week gone and i'll hope and wish the weekend won't end too soon! :p

amazing thing

i never really believed that girls can really do the trick in advertisements or promotions or things like that. but believe it or not, i know now why companies use girls for advertisements or promotions. they can really work wonders!

there were this girls in the campus to promote a beverage. i'm not really those kind of people who take flyers or bother bout promos but this girl really got my attention :p so i was there accapting the drink from her and it was real sweet! maybe it's because the sight of her which made the drink extra sweet! :) how lovely

but hey, get real, k? it's just somebody that i THINK is nice, i DON'T KNOW HER, i DON'T KNOW ANYTHING bout her and it's just pure infatuation. nothing more than that :p for the time being (before i forget her) i'll just take my time to remember her, and remember the sweet smell of the drink, and of course, enjoy this tingling feeling i'm having right now :) cheers sarsi girl~

what goes around comes around

lesson learnt this morning. got screwed back right in the face :) big blow to me. it was about the assignment issue. well, i was asked to follow them back after class to do some work. that guy, his face was like so freaking full of hate towards me (if i didn't interpret wrongly) but i followed him back, for a reason i still hold until today (contribute, participate). he seemed so determined that he had something for me to do. but it was the same thing again, sat there, doing nothing. but the girls there were friendly. i mean they tried to help me out. i think they know what i'm going through (perasan! hahah) and another guy was quite helpful too. i mean he knows i'm feeling awkward and told me that i can leave if there's nothing to do. i wanted to leave but, contribute, participate! and that was the gravest mistake of all time. the group leader came, stood right in front of me, and screwed me right up.
him: why are you sitting here doing nothing?
me: er...i thought you wanted me to do something...the girl explained something to me but she said you needed to confirm it
him: you don't expect me to do all the job distribution right? i have too much things to think about already! you should go find things to do. walk around and help around!
me: ... errr ...
him: you know the lecturer assigned you into my group, and if this is what you are doing what am i supposed to tell the lecturer?
me: (suddenly i feel like i'm an under probation student)
him: so what do you want to do now? i really can't think of anything for you to do coz my head is full of other stuff. i don't know what i should assign you to!!!
me: er..
him: arghh! ok..i think there's nothing much here already...so you can go back now..i'll call you later for the later part
me: ok..thanks...

and there was my screwing. i dunno whether there is a problem with my mentality or not. this is what i think; i think the leader should distribute some jobs...actually i feel quite lame doing nothing there! and since he was so sure he needed me there (he was the one who asked me over) and i went and he didn't give me anything to do, what am i supposed to do? act like i hunger for work? and one more thing, i think that the more people walking around, there'll be less breathing space and people will get irritated! (that's what irritates me) but...am i really supposed to walk around and give stupid comments and idiotic suggestions which, in return, of course would make me feel like stupid idiot, in exchange for participating, and contributing? i really can't get along well with people...but anyway, thanks to those few who i think knows what i'm going through. thanks for the screwing...taught me a lesson. what goes around comes around... you'll get what you give... so this is not the end... just you wait and see :p

 

choices...the road not taken

the sky is really clear. no hint of rain, sun shining just right to indicate a nice day ahead. but that's quite deceiving. no nice day for me! been surrounded by jack s all the whole morning up till now. there's one jack s right beside me (i hope he don't know i'm talking bout him) well, here's how my day started.

i woke up with my heart pounding hard on my chest, and i could feel my heart thumping right in my ears! anger was raging like hell in me, coz there's this bunch of jack s in the house. the guy which i'm trying to alienate myself from, brought back this bunch of jack s. he thinks this house is a hotel, or rather a free-stay-in. they use everything here like it's theirs without any hint of shyness. and oh yea, the reason i was so angry was, of course, they were yelling and screaming like hell even before sun rise over a game!! it was hell trying to sleep. i gave up trying, and got up. i wanted to screw them for causing me this much pain, but decided otherwise..coz if i really start this thing up right in their face, they would surely be more than embarrassed. i don't care how they feel since they don't care bout me, but it really is hard against my nature to screw someone early in the morning!

and there were some choices for today, should i stay here all day long, facing these jack s or should i go out, to some meeting over an assignment, which was causing me equal emotions. decision was made in a split second, coz i cant stand the sight of those jack s. besides, i need to contribute something to my group. contribution, participation. argh what the hell. so i went over to the agreed meeting place, and it was like deserted. nobody answered my knock...and i was so pissed off already because i waited there for half an hour. it just feel shitty i have to go through all these in the morning. i called up that fella in charge, and i think he just woke up. wtf?! so again i wasted my time in the meeting, i seem like an invisible person there. for the first one hour they ignored me like shit. and later they gave me some work. i did it, and he wasn't satisfied. made some changes, pissed off, and came back here for lunch.

and no, not over yet. it's just somewhere after mid day, and i'm facing those jack s again.. i really feel like chasing them out of this house. the sight of them annoys me so much, and i'm that very close to burst out. shitty people! screw you right in your face jack s!

piss off day for irritated me

everything is pissing me off today. i don't know why, but i'm just so irritated by everyone who gets into my way! and the sight of those two fellas is really, really, really pissing me off!!! i am trying my best to alienate myself from them!!!! ARGHHHH!!! this is so damn pissing me off!!!

the bwitch strikes

trying to organize my life? trying to organize our life?!?! weird when i actually asked whether is there anything wrong with something, and they said no. she didn't say she had any problems with something which was already there all the time! and now she wanna re-organize the whole thing? and she already did it without asking me first! she really annoys me to the max! if you wanna do some organizing, i reckon you better start off with finding a suitable place to put your shoe rack!

groups? assignments?

here's how things work in a group. if i belong to a group, then i should contribute something, at least something, to the group. ok well, i've attended a group meeting, and it didn't went well for me. it was like, hey, you're a stranger here. they really gave me this barrier feeling (if anyone knows how it feels) i spent 5 hours straight, from around 4pm until around 9pm in a totally different place, totally different surroundings, and totally different people! and worst of all, i sat there for hours, not able to do anything. they asked me to do stuff, but i couldn't! it's like wth is assembly language? i have no idea how to program a calculator! and another thing is the group members..which..erm..i don't know at all, were talking bout 8 bits calculator? or 16 bits? and what if 8bits * 8 bits? it would be 16bits, and where to store the extra 8bits in the microcontroller? and how to retreive the 8bits which isn't in the accumulator?!?!? wth?!?!? if i can answer those, i won't be taking that course! if i know that well i'll be able to produce tonnes of calculators myself! and imagine being told off jokingly to participate more in the group. what am i supposed to do? blurt out lame jokes just to participate? talk crap? well i'm not that kind of person. prefer to look stupid rather than being someone i am not!
 
and an hour ago, the group i'm supposed to be in, told me that they were going to see the lecturer. and he didn't tell me what am i supposed to do, to follow him? or was he just stating a statement, informing me that he'll be meeting the lecturer? for the kind of people i am, i followed his back to the lecturer's room, even though i don't know what i was supposed to do. he actually saw me before entering his room, but didn't signal me to go over or to stay put. i decided to stay out, coz i don't really know what he is up to...to tell the lecturer that i'm not participating perhaps? anyway, i waited, and he went off, and i went off too! i don't think he knew i was waiting, and he didn't saw me when he got out. well, for me, it's like ok, i've done what i can, but i can't do much. i just don't know where, how and when to contribute!
 
if any of you do watch malaysian idol, i feel just like that fella who sang eidelwise and go the distance, the guy with trembling nose. he didn't fail to get in the top 30 because he can't sing, but i feel it was because he couldn't mix around well. i feel just like him, or he being like me. anyway, that's how i would describe my situation now.

totally speechless

one thing i've learnt today. the world's greatest tool will be useless in the hands of a stagnant brain..i seriously mean it. what's the use of technology when we cannot harness the best out of it just because our brain is the barrier?!?!

sweet~ 

not bad for a mmorpg huh? 

fever

i'm still sick even though i may sound well in the blog ;) it's weird that my mind came out with this when i'm trying my best to sweat. it's about what i'm going through now, fever. for those who are studying medicine, don't laugh at me if it's wrong. it's just from an over-exhausted mind of mine.

here's what i think happens when someone is down with fever.
1. there is these viruses and bacterias in your body, trying their best to infest you with some kind of sickness.
2. your antibody try to ward off these troublesome viruses and bacterias. they are your main defence!
3. once fail, we fall into a state that we know as SICK
4. then our body act in a strange way that nobody can tell.
5. everyone who goes through form 5's bio will know that bacterias acts only at a certain temperature, which is, of course, body temperature. and viruses, on the other hand, will 'menghablur' when the temperature is not right for them to multiply. they'll only be infectous when they can get body temperature.
6. so our body will try to increase the temperature. but when out body is hot, we sweat, it's a common way to loose heat.
7. in order to prevent that, our body will sense 'coldness' outside. that's why we feel cold when we are having fever. it's to prevent sweat, hence preventing heat loss.
8. the hotter it gets, the better it is, that is, to destroy those bacts and to menghablur those viruses.
9. finally when we sweat, it shows that our body don't need to increase the temperature already because, of course, the bacts are all dead, and viruses can't do anything anymore. so, we can sweat now.

and i wanna sweat now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

?!?!?if you dont forward this you'll die in 10 minutes?!?!?

i'm not sure what the hell everyone is thinking. i've received lots of mails, bulletin posts and forwarded message which is, and always is, very annoying! what's with "i'll die in 10 minutes if i don't forward?" hey, i've received tonnes of stuff like that, and i never forward at all, and guess what, i'm still sitting here writing this blog and you are still reading this post! if not forwarding a message will cause someone's death, i'll sure be the first person to print all those message out, and send it to anyone who pisses me off! isn't that a nice way to commit a murder? no tools needed, no motives needed and nobody will know you're the murderer ;p

i'm not done with forwarded posts yet. well this is about "if you forward this in 5 minutes, your crush will tell you he/she likes you" or something like that. are you guys so desperate?!?!?!? get a girl if you want, and i'm telling you your crush won't know anything bout forwarded messages!!! it's like more and more people are falling for this stuff for a reason i don't know! and if you wanna get yourself a girl, forwarding message won't work at all!

i wonder what's happening to all those people! believing in forwarded emails and bulletin posts, and not believing in themselves?!?!? your life being controlled by forwarded stuff when your mind should do the thinking?!?! and to those who still believe in forwarded stuff like that and is offended by this post, sorry, you have to try harder to send me more forwarded spams. it isn't killing me ;p

ryl! 

this is cool! 

sick!

everytime i fall sick, the first thing which comes to my mind is the four stages of life... birth, age, sick, death. it comes just naturally when i'm sick. the thought of sickness and and death will always be here when i'm sick. down with flu, fever, cough, sore throat i think. the rest will come later... it's just so hard to go through this stage of sickness...physically i'm vulnerable to anything! more sickness, weak, and my whole body is aching!!! and my mind don't seem to work well when i'm sick. it's like my mind wont respond immediately...and i'm really vulnerable to threats and taunts when i'm sick. i was at the verge of and screwing the hell out of someone who threw bits of erasers at me (i dont know who he is) me just a few moments ago but i was just too tired and ached up to bother. argh...this sickness is getting hold of my mood and emotions!

HARD

it wont be hard if i prepared myself well...arghh!! just can blame myself! :(

bwitch

there's this person who i always see as a witch. my first impression, she's a damn bitch. yea she looks good, but good looks are just for jacking off. she's one damn bitch from hell. the first time i saw the way she looked at people, it's almost engraved in my mind she has the looks of a witch.

i'm not fond of her at all. no not fond at all. and i turn out to be right. she wants everything her damned way, and she don't care how people will feel bout what she does. not that i care bout her, not that i wanna have anything to do with her, but i think i'm putting in too much effort to describe this bwitch. i hate her till today, and the past year haven't change the way i look at her. she's still the same bwitch.

oh yea, i happen to find out that she's quite a big spender too. from a well off family, and she's has a damn bf (he and she are both so damn blind) she's a bwitch, he's an ass. both are getting on my nerves, as individuals, and as a pair. shitass! both are rich and both are equally shitty. perhaps their damn way of life happen to be influence by their status and money? anyway, dont wanna spend too much time talking bout them. they are really just an earshot away ;p cheers bwitch

why?

why do people have to leave? MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING SOON!! kek sim! and some of them have already left too.. it's like everyone i feel comfortable with are leaving...haih...i guess i have to get used to it. people come and people go all so sudden. and when you thought they are gonna be those who you really can share everything and depend on, they tell you they're leaving...US...UK...what's wrong with staying here anyway? ;p
for those who are leaving, i wish you all the best. and as usual, i hope all of you won't be forgetting me ;p I NEED ATTENTION!!! ;p

aih...

i don't know how it feels to be the happiest person walking on earth... but i do know how it feels to be hopeless...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit people pushing me around! gave me names, asked me to look for them, beg them to accept me, asked me to wait, endless wait, gave me names, asked me to look for them, beg them to accept me, asked me to wait, endless wait and it went round like that for a month?!?! i really cant imagine i was so stupid! running around like a shit ass?!?!? i'm sick and tired of all these! 2 weeks left to the damned submission date and i still don't have a shit group to be in! been pushed around like a damn stupid idiot and tearing up my face to beg everyone to let me join and after seeing the fun of begging, they let me wait like shit! i've been through hell alright and i'm stuck halfway. shit all those people! will there ever be a place for loners?!?! it's like shit you're alone! don't join my group! what's wrong with being me?!?!?!

if i can have one wish granted right now, i'd have me being the one who is begged at, i'd have me being the one letting others wait, i'd have me being the happy guy in the end. anybody ever tasted left out before? anybody ever tasted the torture of waiting? shit you people are really pissing my head off! right now, i just wanna forget bout everything, drown in the ocean never to resurface, melt to the ground i'm stepping on, and vanish into thin air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! freaking shit asses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no more ecp assignment for me

can i do away with the ecp assignment? i feel like a reject! what's wrong with adding one extra group member for the assignment?!?! it's not that i don't have the brain to think! what's wrong with all the people out there?!?! i really feel those people are so damn selfish they don't even care bout people around them. it's really so damn shitty here. feel really pissed off with all the people. curse to them! shit ass! if you people ever need any help i hope someone would lend a hand and stab you people behind in the end!!! shit people with shit selfishness. shit self centred people! shit people with shit assignments! just pray that one day you wont ask my help you arses.